Solitude

I'm feeling kind of emotional today. I'm having the thought that I should just give up. I'm having the thought that nobody likes me, that I'm an annoyance and a burden. I'm having the thought that I'm such a deep pool of negativity, that people don't want to talk to me. I feel like I don't belong. I feel broken and unlovable. I feel abandoned. I feel like I have to hold my sadness close because it's not acceptable to show that emotion. I feel it in my body. A tension that wraps around my chest and stomach. An all-over pain that isn't from working out or sleeping wrong. It feels like a pain from being wrong. My face feels heated as if I just wept. My mind feels numb. I want to be close to people, but my own melancholy has forced me into solitude. I have nothing to give, nothing to share with another person. Just my pain and my thoughts.

But I think that's not enough.

If I do have a place here, I'm in it now. This is my place. Accepting it is sad, lonely. But maybe there will be some liberation in embracing it.