Something

Something intense is happening in my body and mind right now. I'm having a lot of emotions come up and feel a tension in my tissues that wants to be let go. My sense of smell is intensely acute right now and I feel annoyed. I feel insecure and find myself getting stuck in some old judgment cycles. It's a good time to breathe and validate. I have some worry coming from the idea that I don't have enough time to take a vacation this month. I have too many work responsibilities to attend to. Then I hear my heart speaking. I have a family also to attend to and it's ok to want to spend time with them. I feel shame. I'm not even sure where it's coming from right now, but it's the only distinct emotion that I can really pick out right now. I also feel irritated about bitterness that one friend holds against me. All I did was try to help. I think it's time to shred the remnants of what he left here and let it go. Maybe it's time to part with all the remnants of pieces of my life that are no longer serving me. It's time to come to some finality and cleanse these parts as well. Let go. Let go of feeling shame for relationships that weren't honored.

"Why am I not good enough."

That's the thought I keep having over and over this evening. And the universe just gave me some major validation. We all feel it. We all feel insufficient sometimes. It feels good to make the decision to be done with old pain. To move on in a concrete way. It's cleansing to throw away things that have sad attachments to them. And it's reaffirming of my decision to live an ethical life that doesn't cause harm to myself (or anyone else) any more. It has taken a lot of inner work to get to this point. To be able to make decisions for myself because I value my body, mind, and spirit. Because I love myself. The thoughts will come and go. But I know what is true in my heart (wise-mind). I matter. I'm connected. I'm never alone. I belong. I'm loved. All I have to do is breathe that in. Because it's true.