Turbo Kickness

This evening John went with me to Turbo Kick. I was really excited an nervous for him to be there with me. I was really afraid that he would say something critical of me. But that didn't happen and I had an amazing time in the class. I was very mindful of how much I enjoyed glancing over and seeing him. The one smile I caught during class made my whole day.

I hope he's proud of me. Because I'm kinda proud of myself.

After the initial nervousness wore off, I had a great class. Doing turbo next to him reminded me of how I felt when I would play guitar in front of my guitar maestro, Bill Kannengeiser. When I would play I would feel initially nervous about what he was thinking. Then something in me clicked. And I just did my thing as if he wasn't there watching me. It feels like getting to know my body is much like getting to know my instrument. Learning the subtleties of the frets and the tension on the strings. Learning the exact place where the harmonic will ring clear and learning when to let it breathe. Hm, maybe I need to find myself a guitar maestro again. I sure do miss performing! My father would always ask me if I'd ask Bill to play something for me. I never did. So as I was doing my best to focus on doing my thing in turbo today, I kept thinking, "There is a master present next to me." Too bad I was too busy doing my thing to really notice the quality of his mastery and be impressed with it. From the very little I was able to see while I was trying not to kick him, though, I was very impressed.

Wow, I need to take a moment to be mindful about how much I enjoyed class tonight. When John asked me during class if I loved it, my response was genuinely, "YES." I do love it.

He did seem just a bit distant tonight. I can't tell if he seemed worried or that he was just thinking about something. I know he disconnects a bit when he is thinking, so I assume that is what's going on. I can't help but go to the place where I feel like he is withdrawing from me though. I'm sure he was just in thought about something. I hope everything is ok with him.