January 9, 2011

You're Prolly Thinkin' I'm Wrong Right?

Turbo Kick! Class was amazing! I got there early expecting the onslaught of post new years resolution folks to fill the room. About half the class was new, and that was great. I hope they all come back. It was nice to have some men in the room. I went for the gusto and wore my hand weights for the first part of class, and for the high-lows. I have my arms in mind for my push ups goal for Kaia! The thing I love about Turbo is the semi-predictability. There is a base of movements that Karen has had a lot of time to instruct me on. Having her help with form has been essential and very much appreciated. Knowing that really helps me to plan around my knee while getting an amazing workout. It also means that I don't spend a lot of time feeling lost while I try to understand what is being asked of me. I think in Kaia I end up doing things wrong or half assed because I don't know what's going on. I think that not knowing whats going on is also important, but it is nice to have a base to come back to. Turbo is also a much more intense cardio workout than Kaia, although Kaia is much more strength focused. Both are important. I do prefer the feel of Turbo. I never feel like I'm in trouble, getting yelled at, or being judged. I feel gently encouraged even when Karen is telling me not to give up. Turbo also has the cool factor that Kaia just doesn't come close to having. Kick ass music and fun moves make it feel kinda like a party. Kaia feels like gym class hell. Maybe it's time for me to be a gym class hero. Damn it why doesn't Kaia have kick ass music?

It's enough to make me want to put up the peace sign, put the index down!



So yeah, I kinda knew that's how I might be feeling after a week of this... and that's why I signed up. What a wonderful chance to validate the valid and notice my reality. I actually do enjoy seeing everyone in the morning. And, yes, I actually do enjoy being cheered on and cheering on my team. I really do. I don't like feeling like I'm being treated like a child. And that is something for me to look more closely at this week. What do I feel like I'm being asked to give up, and is that real? How can I work on being more aware of how I'm feeling in the moment? How can I remember to validate myself during class, especially in the first half of the session, to help myself become more emotionally regulated... to be able to be present for the things that are positive in that time. How can I work to make my little space in the group more self-honoring? How can I work to give my best and push myself while also protecting my knee from injury? How can I meet the very high goals I've set for myself during this winter brik? How can I prepare for the emotions that I know will come up better? How can I be more validating of the experience of the women around me who are also going through this experience by my side? The good thing is that there are 5 more weeks of practice ahead of me. I have plenty of time to work through this, let go of the ego, find compassion, work my body, and meet those goals!

The highest form of meditation is simply living.

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