I always love a good bang...

As I was leaving the apartment this morning, it began to snow. I hurt from yesterdays Double-D. After giving it my all in Kaia in the morning, I did Turbo Kick in the evening. It's interesting to observe that when my body feels stripped down to it's weakest state after exertion and restriction I'm better able to notice the inherent resident strength that is growing inside of me. I didn't feel like I could possibly move any more. I didn't think I could endure one entire hour of intense work. To my surprise it wasn't very difficult to keep giving a little more. Just jump a little more. Just one more time. Just one more minute. My muscles already hurt, so what was there left to lose. It will hurt anyways when I'm done, so why not get friendly with the pain and set a place for it at the table of me.

This morning I felt taxed. Rather than waking up feeling regenerated, I felt weak and sore. Just one more day. Just one more hour. I wonder if the bronchospasams from cold exertion will help to build up my lungs. This is the first winter in awhile that I haven't had a problem with chronic bronchitis. I know that so much of the "keeping going" is not the physical body, but the mind. Fading into the warm silence while my muscles scream and weakness gives way despite my intent to be strong. Pushing to the place where failure is definitely an option; quitting is a possibility. Going to that place where my will and endurance end and daring to cross the line into shame and embarrassment. Pushing a little harder. Wanting it a little more. Letting the wet warmth radiate from my core into a place where a new me is forming. I never knew the clearest moments of essential knowing were to be found in agonizing pain, or maybe I always knew.

It's strange that sometimes where others are weaker, I'm stronger. It's strange that where I was stronger then, now I'm weaker. It's strange that this is me thinking this useless junk.

Nothing like a good bang to start a Tuesday morning. Hopefully my favorite massage therapist is available to give my banged body some attention on Saturday...