Squat Thrust Mania Depressants

Today went pretty well in Kaia. As soon as I got there this morning I felt judgment about the way the warm up was structured. It felt like we were on competing teams pitted against each other for a race. I really hate any sort of competition. I also really dislike being cheered for more because I choose to move slower. I'm not sure why every moment of the class has to be at "hustle" pace. I really do find that I have to pace myself if I'm going to do back to back hard workout days. Not pacing myself was how I caused so much knee inflammation when I finally injured it in September. (It was a bit more complex that just overuse, I also had not taken enough Advil or iced/heated my knee after workouts, and I didn't understand the importance of rest when it's inflamed.) Now I understand that consistent paced workouts that don't cause too much inflammation so there is no real downtime is my best way to stay consistently active while also avoiding re-injury. I know that I will be managing my knee for awhile because I don't plan on not using my knee. So, yeah, I chose not to hustle everything this morning because I didn't want to hyper-extend my knee and put myself out of commission for the rest of the class, or worse, for the next month (again.) That makes me feel like there is pressure on me when Carry is yelling to pick up the pace and hustle and hurry. I tried to be validating in my mind to myself that this is a wise mind decision to take care of my knee. That didn't seem to help too much in the beginning of class because because of the stream of judgments I was having a hard time ignoring. I had the thought that class was stupid and that I wasn't going to be able to manage the emotions over feeling like I was being yelled at. After I was able to regulate my emotions a bit when we pulled out our mats and weren't in some sort of competitive mode I was able to get back into wise mind and validate myself and bring the dysregulation down. (Now, that's something I wish people would compliment me on rather than moving slowly!) After that the rest of class felt pretty good. I had fun this morning and pushed myself a lot considering my knee discomfort after smacking it on the ground when I lost control (I guess) in a squat-thrust. No real harm done, just an unhappy kneecap for the rest of class.

All of that on two lovely blisters as tokens of my treadmill intervals from this weekend...

I think it's time for some new shoes or socks or band-aid blister ampules.