Whole Foods Fun

I had so much fun shopping for the basic ingredients that I need for the Eat Fat, Lose Fat diet.

From Head to Heart

Tonight I made my first meal from the Nourishing Traditions cook book. I had to overcome some fear and anxiety, but I just thought of Julie and her lobsters, and I knew everything was going to be ok. The meat recipe was for Spicy Meatloaf. I wasn't exactly prepared for the recipe since I was waiting until today for a fish carcass from Raleys. The fish didn't come in, so there was no carcass for me, so I had to bring home a fish head instead. I've never cooked anything with eyes before. The fish sauce was supposed to ferment for 3 days, but since I wanted to have my meatloaf tonight, I boiled the fish head into a broth. I also added a half pound of beef hearts. I've also never cooked heart before. My vegetable recipe was for Butternut Squash Puree with Pecans. Since I don't have a hand blender, it's a bit chunkier than a puree, but it's delicious and creamy still. I have plenty of left overs to eat through the week and will also freeze some for later. The meatloaf was tasty and the puree was sweet and warming.

Three cheers for overcoming fear to make an amazing meal!

Something Nourishing

I'm happy to be home. I have a lot of unpacking to do, but I'll leave most of it for tomorrow after I've gotten some rest.

This is a new phase for me. Post-cleanse is unfolding in an interesting way and I'm excited to work on a new Nourishing meal plan. There are going to be a few changes to this phase of my journey, and I'm going to give Nourishing Traditions a good try. I'm going to work on some meal plan ideas and figure out where to get what I need for my recipes.

The Day After: Work to be Done

Today is the first day of breaking the fast. I'll be drinking orange juice today and paying close attention to my body to gauge how I'm feeling. Emotionally I'm feeling like I got up on the wrong side of the bed and I put my panties on backwards. I have done neither of the two, so I suppose it's just a mood. I know where it's coming from too. Judgments. Goddamnit. (That's me judging the judging.) So I think a good place to start this morning would be with my butt on the pillow. I don't like the pillow I made. I think I need to make another one.

It would proabably be better to end the blog now and head over to the pillow. I'm sensing the emotions elevate as I let the judgmentmind take over. Time to put them to bed.

Day 18: Breaking and Broken

Today was my appointment with at the Dentist's Office. I thought we might just be doing xrays and discussing next steps, but the dentist surprised me and said he wanted to do an extraction today. I kinda knew that the tooth would have to be pulled, but I didn't think it would have to be pulled immediately. The tooth had an infection so that's that. I bled for longer than I expected to, but it finally calmed down and I'm feeling alright now. I think the vicodin feels especially effective against the pain right now, so I'm only taking a half at a time.

Last night's breakdown was something I wasn't really expecting either. After meditating on the questions I felt I had to work at the edge of, I found myself in a spin. I feel like I'm a bit too fatigued to start writing about it right now. I cried so hard. But it wasn't bad. I welcomed it and opened my heart to the weeping. Mourning for the lack of something I'm not sure I've ever consciously wept for (but something that I always feel the lack of.) I cried on my hands and knees, not repenting, but accepting. I looked up and saw a piece of a new world that I've created for myself. The tears were an acknowledgement and a letting go. It's ok, because right now, I love myself. I care tenderly for myself as I continue to work to recreate my reality. I soothe myself because I know it's a long process, but I have already made the decision, and I make the decision every day.

There is still work to do, yes. There are still old ways of being that aren't helping me. There are still old blocks that need to be undone. I'm so grateful for the many teachers I have to help me find them and nudge them out of my perception.

I think it's time to let myself be lulled to sleep.

Day 17: Relaxed Vortices

I'm feeling exhausted when I wake up. This has been for the past 2 days. It's a level of exhaustion I haven't felt since herxing from Lyme treatment. My body feels completely fatigued when I wake up, I sleep through alarms, and have vivid and disturbing dreams where I grind my teeth and feel like I can't wake up. My suspicion is that the microbes in my body are unhappy that I've decided to take it upon myself to create an inhospitable home for them. I like to be a good host, but not to these little parasites. Once I got up to do the salt flush, I felt much better. One interesting thing that I've been noticing over the past few days is that when I begin hydrating when I wake up, my body seems to know that it's time to flush. Before I even being the salt my body relaxes and begins to easily give up it's waste. I feel like my body is trusting me. Trusting that we are on a path of healing. It's no longer working against me, but with me.

It no longer bothers me to be around people who are eating. Even in the presence of food that smells amazing, I don't have cravings for it. I think how it might be nice to have it, but am just as happy just smelling the aromas. Last night I was too far from the car to make my lemonade, so I had some watered down orange juice. I didn't feel all that great after drinking it. I didn't feel awful, but I could tell my stomach was feeling differently about it than the lemonade. I think yesterday was a difficult day physically. I had mixed maple syrup, missed the salt flush, and woke up feeling like I was run over by a pack of deer. Maybe it was just too much change too soon for my body. I was also up quite late with the ladies.

Last night I drank a water called Vortex 9.5 water. It was amazing. I think I'm addicted. It was the best tasting water I've ever had in my life. Every sip was a beautiful experience. It reminds me of something I tasted a long time ago. Maybe some water I had as a child.

Today I'm in a kitchen hood battle with my neighbors. I'm not sure who I'm annoying right now, but I hope they forgive me. With my heightened sense of smell, wafting odors of putrid oil in my apartment have been causing me a bit of distress. It's a distress that breathing into only makes feel worse. I finally figured out that the horrid smell was coming in through the kitchen vent from the neighbors apartment. After cleaning my vent filter, the smell was still there. Today I'm going to try to remedy the situation by boiling a pot of lovely smelling (hopefully cleansing) water. I have lemon peels, cloves, hibiscus, rose hips, cinnamon, and vinegar simmering on the range. If anything it's covering up the smell of the putrified oil for the day. Hopefully running the vent fan while boiling my concoction helps to clean out some of that horrible grease slime from the vent system. I'm not sure if I'm just hypersensitive, or if I'll think it smells just as awful after I come off my cleanse.

I'm going to end my cleanse after day 20. I want to be sure that I have enough time to assimilate to eating so that I don't suffer any stomach distress while having Thanksgiving dinner with my family.

Day 16: From the Start

Today was a rough day from the start. I woke up very late and felt frazzled that I didn't have time to do the salt flush before going to meet with friends new and newer at the Flower Tree. I felt exhausted beyond belief and completely sapped of energy. To top it off, I ran out of grade B maple syrup and had to improvise. I mixed some grade A with the grade B I had left. I hope that was ok.

After meeting my new friend I headed over to pick and process some corn. It was very relaxing and a lot of work to get the corn all shelled.

I'm home safe and sound now. I have enough grade B to last for the rest of my cleanse. I have the orange juice for breaking the fast as well. I'm ready to mindfully move into whatever the next phase is for me. I'm missing salmon and salad right now. Missing boiled eggs and bread. Even though I won't be eating much bread on a regular basis, it will be nice to enjoy some for Thanksgiving.

Day 15: Shortage and Abundance

I'm hoping that I have enough maple syrup to hold me over until I can go to Reno tomorrow. I honestly believed that the local health food store would have some in by now. It's been about a week since I bought their last ones. I'm sure I'll be fine. I just have to do a little research about what to do if I do run out. Thankfully I have enough lemons. The produce guy at Safeway has been great. I have to go in soon to talk veggies with him so he can carry the organics I like to use on a regular basis.

This cleanse has been wonderful for my living space. I have cleaned out some much junk. It feels good to gradually let go of the things that are no longer useful. It clarifies what is.

All of my personal appointments are falling into place for my week off. It's going to feel good to get caught up on my personal projects and see friends. It also feels good to take care of myself during this time. I'm easing into relaxation and feeling wonderful. It's nice to do a bit of reclusiveness in moments like these. It feels good to recharge.

Day 14: Salt!

Today was the first day of my vacation. I did some more cleaning around the apartment today. I started really working on the contents of my closet. I took a huge step today in my cleansing process. I knew this day was coming, and I faced the challenge today with strength and dignity. I parted with my gaming computer today. I took out the hard drive and a couple of components that I can use to upgrade my sisters computer when I go down to visit. Then I took the computer and monitor into work to be recycled. I also parted with my lovely backlit gaming keyboard and some other peripherals. There's no going back now. I'm offically committed to building something wonderful in the real world and not in a game world. I'm grateful to the game world to giving me a safe place to start on my path of discovery. And it also feels good to know that I no longer need that comfort.

I had a headache all day. (I had it last night too.) I'm pretty sure that stRIPPED last night really got some stuff moving in my body. As much as I wanted to do a salt flush last night, I was far too exhausted to do it. So today I did one in the morning and one in the evening. It is strange how I can feel my body asking for it. When I began noticing that my body wanted it is when my tastebuds also began to really accept the process of drinking it. I don't feel like I'm in a realm of suffering now when I drink the salt water. That's pretty amazing.

I tried to log into the teleconference yesterday from the Center for Mindful Eating. I figured that I probably had the wrong time or something. Today I got a call from someone from the center apologizing on behalf of the doctor for not being able to do the call. I was so impressed that someone took the time to call me. I think I will probably sign up to become a member of the center. I was so impressed with the response. They seem like a great group of people. I'm going to re-read the eating mindfully book to get into a mindful attitude about eating before I begin eating food again. I think this is going to be powerful.

Day 13: Bliss and Sensuality

Today was nothing less than amazing. I felt wonderful today, full of energy and compassion. I got my work done and felt ready to begin my vacation. I drank the salt water this morning quickly with no problems and no sweet spoon to help me out. I decided to check out Karen's stRIPPED class at the gym. It was so much fun! I loved the sexy hip bumping moves. For a moment I felt like I was born to be a stripper! I drank a lot of water to prepare to go to the class and drank a lot of water through the class. I felt intensely fatigued afterwards, but had a good time and got my sweat on. As the class was finishing, I could feel something really going on inside my body. I went straight to the restroom and passed some of the most interesting stuff. I think moving my body really helped to move out some toxins and junk from my body. It was the most solid looking stuff I've passed. Mostly it's just been particles to this point. And it was pretty dark compared to the yellowing particles I passed before. Afterwards I went home and enjoyed a warm salt and oil bath by candlelight. It felt good to sink into the feeling of being on vacation.